The thing about Kaddish is that it has to be said with a minyan, and women are not obligated to pray with a minyan. There's also the whole women's voice thing.
The "normal" thing is to *pay* someone to say kaddish for a loved one if one is not oneself obligated. Jonathan's parents gave him specific permission to say it, otherwise he could not. Similarly, I began attending Yizkor services before my father died, for my grandparents, but only after getting their permission. In Orthodox synagogues, it's customary for those who still have both parents to leave the synagogue entirely during Yizkor - we're rather impressed that our rabbi, who is a grandfather, *leaves*.
But candles...I can't see why they would hurt,either. It was strange lighting two this past weekend - one for the Yizkor on Shemini Atzeret (Not on Simchat Torah. Too much hilarity on Simchat Torah, which is why they do the Blessing of the Kohanim during the *morning* service instead of the additional one on Simchat Torah) and one for the yarzheit on Simchat Torah. I lit the second from the first.
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Date: 2002-10-01 12:10 pm (UTC)The "normal" thing is to *pay* someone to say kaddish for a loved one if one is not oneself obligated. Jonathan's parents gave him specific permission to say it, otherwise he could not. Similarly, I began attending Yizkor services before my father died, for my grandparents, but only after getting their permission. In Orthodox synagogues, it's customary for those who still have both parents to leave the synagogue entirely during Yizkor - we're rather impressed that our rabbi, who is a grandfather, *leaves*.
But candles...I can't see why they would hurt,either. It was strange lighting two this past weekend - one for the Yizkor on Shemini Atzeret (Not on Simchat Torah. Too much hilarity on Simchat Torah, which is why they do the Blessing of the Kohanim during the *morning* service instead of the additional one on Simchat Torah) and one for the yarzheit on Simchat Torah. I lit the second from the first.