The selfish thing is that I'm not taking care of my mother the way *he* is. Never mind that he lives fifteen minutes away and I live a good hour. If things were reversed, if she lived in my neighborhood, of course, I'd be taking care of my mother more. That's what happens with proximity, but she doesn't want to live in Brooklyn. T
This came to a head after my mother's accident, when he wanted me to A. spend Shabbat with her, which basically traps me in her apartment all day because there's nothing in walking distance, and she doesn't observe *or* keep kosher - she pretended she did for a while, but I finally told her I'd rather know the truth. My mom has a thing about obfuscation. Anyway, they all assumed for no reason that I'd spend the Shabbat after my mother got out of the hospital with them, and so I disappointed them by not doing something I never said I'd do. My brother's snide remark, "Well, it's a good thing I'm *not* so picky" was especially annoying. Especially since it became clear that he was not spending all his time taking care of Mom, either. "I was trapped in the apartment with mom all Saturday." "You came and went, right?" "Well, yes." *Sheesh*
And that leads me to B. For some reason, I didn't want to quit my job and spend all my time in New Jersey with my mother, and that bothered him. Why, he'd have to spend...from what I gathered from my mother (who is, I admit, other than trustworthy)exactly as much time with her as he did before her accident. I mean, the day after her accident, I took the day off and rented a car and ran to the hospital to find...he'd gone to work. And he's on salary with sick days and vacation days. I'm part time. I don't work, I don't get paid. My mother's friend ferried her to the doctors, and she could easily get a car service - for which insurance would reimburse her. Insurance also paid for four weeks of a home health care worker, and my mom only took two of those weeks because she found she managed fine on her own. I'd call her and she'd be out to lunch with friends.
He's scared of having the whole burden of my mother on him, and we're both realizing that however selfsufficient Mom is at seventy, this can only last so long. If I had a car, I could more easily come out during emergencies. I actually do understand his fear.
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This came to a head after my mother's accident, when he wanted me to A. spend Shabbat with her, which basically traps me in her apartment all day because there's nothing in walking distance, and she doesn't observe *or* keep kosher - she pretended she did for a while, but I finally told her I'd rather know the truth. My mom has a thing about obfuscation. Anyway, they all assumed for no reason that I'd spend the Shabbat after my mother got out of the hospital with them, and so I disappointed them by not doing something I never said I'd do. My brother's snide remark, "Well, it's a good thing I'm *not* so picky" was especially annoying. Especially since it became clear that he was not spending all his time taking care of Mom, either. "I was trapped in the apartment with mom all Saturday." "You came and went, right?" "Well, yes." *Sheesh*
And that leads me to B. For some reason, I didn't want to quit my job and spend all my time in New Jersey with my mother, and that bothered him. Why, he'd have to spend...from what I gathered from my mother (who is, I admit, other than trustworthy)exactly as much time with her as he did before her accident. I mean, the day after her accident, I took the day off and rented a car and ran to the hospital to find...he'd gone to work. And he's on salary with sick days and vacation days. I'm part time. I don't work, I don't get paid. My mother's friend ferried her to the doctors, and she could easily get a car service - for which insurance would reimburse her. Insurance also paid for four weeks of a home health care worker, and my mom only took two of those weeks because she found she managed fine on her own. I'd call her and she'd be out to lunch with friends.
He's scared of having the whole burden of my mother on him, and we're both realizing that however selfsufficient Mom is at seventy, this can only last so long. If I had a car, I could more easily come out during emergencies. I actually do understand his fear.