Mom

My mother was in a car accident this evening. I don't know exactly what happened - I spoke to my older brother and he wouldn't say. She's *fine*. Her left wrist is broken. She's left-handed. She's also only three months shy of her 70th birthday. Her bones are in good shape, but still.

The car is a mess, apparently.

She's all right. That's the main thing. She's going to be *fine*. But. It's starting to hit home that this could have been so much worse. This could have been unthinkable.

And, damn it all. I don't' even own a *car* to go out and see her. This is it. I'm going to start looking into used cars now. Because we really do need one.

My older brother is going to move in with her, and she has friends, so she'll be fine, and there is nothing I can do.

Just. Thank God it was nothing more serious.

(no subject)

My mother fell asleep or something at the wheel. Baruch Hashem, it was on a slow, winding road so she wasn't going very fast. She woke up just in time to crash into a tree.

I keep thinking, what if it had been a highway? It could so easily have been a highway. And they gave her an MRI to find out why, but I don't know anymore.

And my brother is making me feel guilty because I *can't* help out. If I had a car and didn't have a job and lived in New Jersey, I could. I live in New York. I don't have a car. I do have a job.

I mean, I wish I could. And I feel intensely guilty that I can't. Just to commute to work would be $40 a day for the rental and eleven dollars for the toll and Gd knows how much for the gas and the hour commute and the time it would take to park. And I don't get days off. Or, rather, I might, but I won't get paid. I work part time, That doesn't give time off. And I feel like I'm making excuses so that I won't be inconvenienced.

I'm going to go out there Thursday. Or maybe Wednesday, although that will cost me a day's pay plus the rental. And that sounds so petty.